The Refreshment of a Friend

The past few days for me have been dark and difficult. I have felt suffocated by the past, and far from God. The migraine contributed to my inability to think clearly, but no doubt a few packed days during Christmas contributed to my being overwhelmed.

It is harder for me than most people to decompress, especially through this time in my life of healing, bringing darkness into light, and being renewed. There is so much on my mind being brought to the surface in an effort to purge. The enemy always finds ways to attempt to thwart any milestones. 

As restful and still as Advent has been, this past week has clouded my ability to hear from the Holy Spirit. As much as I know I am being grown, I creep back to the lie that nothing has changed at all. This is a dark place where I cling to the truth that I cannot "...lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day" (2 Corinthians 4:16).

About an hour ago, in the depth of my doldrums, my friend Tricia called. We have seen countless times of joy and tears together, but recently distance and our schedules keep us from seeing each other. Months, even half a year, might go by before we see each others' faces. Still, she is there, faithful to the end. 

God knew I needed to hear her voice over the phone and dig down deep. She has faced her own sanctification and is able to relate and share similarities and differences. Tricia engaged me today with no questioning, no telling me to see someone else's point of view, but simply listening and encouraging. She could tell that the Lord gives me enough direction, which freed her up to just be there.

Thank You, Lord, for an old friend when I needed her. I am refreshed and more settled from having spoken to one who can take my mess and not try to be the fixer. In his wisdom, Solomon stated that "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). There is no substitute for the sovereign wisdom and direction of Christ, but it also feels good to have advocates with skin on.

Migraine Postdrome

I never had migraines until adulthood. About five years ago, my doctor had me go for an MRI because of them, and we paid way too much to hear, "Yep, you're having migraines." In doing a little research, though, that reaction does seem to be the consensus; no one knows what causes migraines!

I decided to read up on mine in particular because they seem atypical. Only twenty percent of sufferers experience the aura, or spots, at the onset of a migraine. To me, it starts as if I've just had my photo taken with a flash and can still see the green glowing remnant. I know it's a migraine because that green dot won't go away, and within minutes I can see only half of the face of a person in front of me. 

If I can quickly grab some Tylenol or Advil and a strong cup of coffee, the aura disappears after about fifteen minutes. At this point, most sufferers would describe intense pain. My migraines involve almost no pain at all, but something known in the medical world as the "postdrome." Instead of the searing headache most people experience, I feel wiped out, as if I had the flu. It's as if I've been hit with a wave of intense fatigue, one that lasts for hours, during which I can barely keep my eyes open. I feel cotton-headed, unable to focus. My limbs grow weak, and I can barely move. My thoughts are jumbled and irrational.

Yesterday around 4pm I was hit with the tiniest aura, and in less than five minutes, the lady standing in front of me looked like she had only half a face! I was quick with the ibuprofen and coffee, then all I could do was lie on the sofa with my eyes closed. The light doesn't bother me as it does most migraine sufferers; some even experience vomiting. By about 6pm, I had entered into the postdrome, and my only option was to lie sideways on my bed. 

This morning, after being so bone-tired I slept all night, I was still mentally worn out. I couldn't read anything, not because it hurt, but because I just couldn't focus. I scraped by almost half the day in a mental fog, with a dull headache and unable to fully concentrate on anything without feeling like I'd run a marathon. I recalled waking in a fog during the night, desiring to turn over, but taking probably twenty or more minutes to work up the energy!

Is this part of a migraine, I wondered? When I went for the MRI, my migraines were more textbook: aura, intense pain, light sensitivity. I admit that if I have to suffer from them, I'll take the extreme fatigue over the blinding pain! But I couldn't help but wonder about this exhaustion that has begun accompanying my migraines. 

Here is a succinct article from Scicurious entitled "The Postdrome: Migraine's Silent Sister." (Click on title). It has shed light on my symptoms and further shows that migraines can look very different depending on the individual. I invite any readers to share your experiences with migraines.