Why I Don't Need to "Forgive Myself"

Do you find yourself doing as a friend once put it, "Taking old skeletons out of the closet and dancing with them," even after you've asked for forgiveness over and over? I sure do. Why are we in this rut of hanging onto sin and regret, even once we've taken it to God, and even repented? Why can't we let it go?

I've meditated, studied, and talked to God for a long time about this topic. "Lord," I say, help me to believe Psalm 103 with my heart, not just my head. Take the piece of my heart that still has trouble really believing that I'm forgiven." When I take the same sins over and over to the Lord, I know He doesn't remember them. The question is, Why do I harp over them so much?

Tim Keller has a sermon from 1991 in which he addresses this topic, quoting R.C. Sproul, who says that if we suffer from it, it's because "....you're going about your salvation the Smith Barney way; you want to earn it." My biggest issue here, Sproul says, is my pride. He states that it's like saying, "I've got this myself, and I don't need Christ's bleeding charity." Major ouch.

So, now add pride to the list, on top of the heart problem of not being able to "forgive myself." And that's where John Piper comes in. He has much to say on this subject, especially in his short discussion, "Should We Learn to Forgive Ourselves?"  The real issue is, I don't need to learn to "forgive myself" at all, but to receive Christ's redemption on the cross.

A big struggle for me is, ok, I've gotten "forgiveness," but what about the possible ramifications of certain mistakes I've made? The Lord is working on me big-time to see that He handles all of this too. In fact, I had a nudge just today that I can be free to not remember these things at all, because they're not there...the same way that God sees (or, actually, doesn't see!) them now! If I'm going to quote 1 John 1:9 to my children, I'd better ask the Lord to let me believe it deep down myself: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." And while I'm at it, what about the aforementioned Psalm 103? "Who forgives us from all our iniquities...As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (verses 3 and 12, my emphasis).

But back to Piper...Here is the gist of his talk:

"Forgiveness is a wronged person forgiving a wronging person, not a wronging person forgiving a wronging person."

"If Jack insults me, and I forgive Jack, why would Jack forgive Jack, when he didn't insult Jack?"

"The Corinthians felt a godly grief (remorse, sorrow); they wronged, and asked forgiveness."

"When people speak of the need to 'forgive themselves,' they mean the need to move through worldly grief over sin to godly grief over sin, and beyond, into life-giving freedom. The difference is moving out of death-giving condemnation to life-giving acceptance of God's no-condemnation."

"The Biblical way out of this self-condemnation is to humble ourselves and admit that we have no right to take the role of judge and pronounce the death sentence on ourselves. That's pride, to think that we can hear God's verdict of 'not guilty,' or our friend's verdict, 'I forgive you,' and we refuse it and set ourselves up as the new judge, and pronounce a death sentence over ourselves. The Biblical problem with that is...an arrogant failure to trust in the free verdict of God: 'No condemnation!'"

"Let's humble ourselves and step down off the judge's seat, and let God be God in His pronouncement of 'No condemnation.'"

This morning I was praying about this very thing as I found myself falling into the trap of feeling like I had to do penance for stuff that Christ's blood has forgiven....and on Good Friday, of all days! I imagined a young me, crouched at His grimy, bloody feet, and I told Him I wanted to feel His rough feet, and even the hard nail driven through them. 

I was really struggling, when the Holy Spirit provided me a simple illustration, one that took me by surprise. Meet my high school principal, Mr. Clarke, "honcho" of the whole place...ahem...twenty-something years ago: 

Suppose, as a high-schooler,  I approach Mr. Clarke with a request: something I desperately want, yet don't deserve (let's say, being excused from class). The principal has the authority to make the call--I don't--and he actually says yes! However, I continue to convince myself that his "okay" isn't good enough. I feel the need to "really earn" his approval, and do something to work toward the "yes," even though he's already given it. Mr. Clarke made the decision as the one who has the authority, and he won't hold over my head that he has given me the okay without my earning it. In fact, it's actually his pleasure to grant my request, and it's my job to receive it freely as a gift, with no guilt. (Note: I cannot compare God to anyone or anything, and I'm not daring to say that my principal or any human is equal to Him. This is simply an illustration I feel was provided to help me see more clearly). 

Back to the present, I feel like my "badness" prevents forgiveness, as if it depended on my actions...in other words, my "performance." As someone I look up to says, if certain things I've done can't be redeemed, God "doesn't get to be God." It's not up to me to be in charge of my own forgiveness! "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8, again my emphasis). Christ has the authority to forgive and redeem me and my situations. As with the Mr. Clarke illustration, it's not my call to make. The authority rests on the One and only Savior who calls all the shots. I go to Him in humble submission, trusting Him to be God, because I don't hold that title.

On Good Friday, I choose to remember Him on the tree, bruised, rejected, spit on, mocked, humiliated, because He had the authority to lay down His life. He did it for me and all my junk, so I can be free to stop dancing with those skeletons. Amen!

Thanks to Abby at Little Birdie Blessings for this beautiful graphic!

Inside-Out

I had a discussion recently with someone about "inside-out" change. When we want to change a behavior, we tend to attempt "outside-in" fixes, which end up being band-aids that don't address the root of things. Years and years pass, and all we have to show for our best "outside-in" efforts is wasted time, frustration, exhaustion, and wounds that are still gaping. 

This "inside-out" change has been the topic of many more discussions since the first. The Lord gave me a clear word three years ago: "Be renewed in the spirit of your mind" (Ephesians 4:23). This "renewal," I've learned, has to be "inside-out," because no "outside-in" solutions work. It's what only the Holy Spirit can do, without my continued interference. I've also learned that this requires me to confess my tendency to "perform," rather than to be still and obey.

We live in a shallow culture, and in many ways, the American church culture looks no different than the world. I'm convinced that "inside-out" transformation is difficult because of our desire for quick fixes, as well as our inability to be vulnerable with others. Part of "inside-out" change requires discovering who we really are, which means taking off well-built masks we wear to cover up the "real us" from the world. God always knows the real identity behind those masks, and they're worth getting to know because they're who He created us to be. The process is an arduous one. 

Even with a week of stress from several directions, I have been mindful of this "good fight of the faith" (1 Timothy 6:12). John Piper says, "Make war!" Nehemiah says, "Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes" (4:14). As I felt the fog and fuzzy focus of stress, I recalled Psalm 18:29 and 34: "By my God I can leap over a wall...He teaches my hands to make war."  

A member of my own "Cloud of Witnesses," Barbara Johnson, loved celebrating the first of every month. She would put clean sheets on the beds, or buy a nice bunch of fresh asparagus to cook. I'm remembering her today as I take time this afternoon to do things I enjoy: catching up on this blog, sitting with hot coffee, and reading as the rain falls outside and my girls play within. Here is some wisdom from Barbara: 

(From Mama, Get the Hammer...There's a Fly on Papa's Head!)

Eugene Peterson has a description for Barbara's "no microwave maturity;" he calls it "a long obedience in the same direction." May we never give up fighting in God's strength, for His glory. 

Odds & Ends...

Sweet Eliza presented me with a book that she found at an antique store, that she said was "me." What a joy to know what's really "me," and to have others know it, too. 

This well-loved volume is a collection of sweet illustrations with Bible verses.

 This little fella reminds me of my husband as a boy!

I like the verse that goes with him, too.

This is a list of ladies who presented the book to "Sandra," its original owner. Look at those names! Clara, Thelma, Ione, Bernice, Velma...even Edelweiss!

I love this vintage drawing of different children making a joyful noise!

Speaking of books (one of my favorite topics)... 

Remember Journey Cake Ho!? As most of the "old" books have been chucked from the library and replaced by twaddle, I was surprised to find it there. I have wonderful memories of this being at my elementary school library, and the cover was the same, but green. I read it to my kids one evening and didn't find the story as compelling as the charming illustrations (done by the beloved Robert McCloskey). However, we were tickled by the "journey" cake's "singing;" this, added to the well-remembered images of the cake bouncing downhill, endeared me anew to this book. 

And speaking of cakes...the girls made and decorated these all by themselves: 

They enjoy taking holiday treats to tennis clinics; the kids and coaches enjoy a reward after hard practice!

Something else my girls made: 

We have many more "handicraft" opportunities today than in Charlotte Mason's day! Not only do they spend time and imagination on Legos, there's also slime-making, wooden peg people to paint, and cereal boxes they turn into other crafts!

One more thing, something funny from school this morning: I spotted this drawing of two funny characters in Holling's Minn of the Mississippi... 

...and instantly recalled a photo of two other funny characters, my 3rd great-grandparents, Major Sebastian Wygal, and Rachel Hoge Wilson Wygal: 

The resemblance between them and Holling's drawing is uncanny, although I can't prove that he used these two as models! What do you think? 

Until next time!

2017 Book List

I wrote in my last post about the books my children and I have read together in 2017. I've been encouraged by other Charlotte Mason moms to keep several books "going": one easy, one medium, and one hard. When I attempt only one book at a time, it can become tedious; I'm not always in the mood for the same reading. It's like being before a banquet; it's better to have a variety of food than to try to eat the same thing for days on end.

It's important that we feed our minds. I have a book bag that I carry around, a canvas bag that was mine as a kid. In it are all the books I'm reading at the moment. I take it upstairs at night and bring it down in the morning. I take it in my car when I think I'll have to wait somewhere. My book bag has become a fun, welcome friend. All the books I have "going" are in one place, easy to access. When people ask what I'm reading, I tell them, "It's my professional development." Charlotte Mason called it "Mother Culture." At any rate, we all need mind food.

I publish my lists for several reasons. One is to demonstrate that any mother or person can read a lot in a year. I do not spend hours on end reading every day. However, minutes here and there each day add up to a long list of books read! Another reason is to share examples of the wide feast. I read many old, rare, unheard-of titles that I like to resurrect. It's important to keep these titles in circulation. A third reason is simply to encourage others and myself to read as much as we can.  

Here is my personal list of books completed in 2017:

Little Rosebud by Beatrice Harraden
This 1895 book was presented to me in 1984 by my grandmother, to her in 1934 by her grandmother, and to her grandmother in 1906 by her grandmother! One day I will follow suit and hopefully have a granddaughter to whom it will pass. Thirty-three years after receiving it, I finally read it. The story is a simple, charming one, about a little girl and a pet store owner pal.

Allison’s Girl by Theodore Acland Harper
This, too, belonged to my same grandmother as a teenager. It was boring in places; overall an okay, non-compelling story.

The Diseasing of America’s Children by John Rosemond and Bose Ravenel
Eye-opening and packed with research, Rosemond and Ravenel argue the legitimacy of many "syndromes" that have overtaken today's children, including ADD. 

The Mystery of the Vanishing Lady by Helen Wells
This is part of the Vicki Barr series about a young lady who flies planes and solves mysteries. I found it uninteresting except for the mysterious aspect, which dragged a little too long.

The Horse and Buggy Doctor by Arthur E. Hertzler
The fascinating point of view of a "modern" (1930's) doctor looking back at his early years as a young horse-and-buggy traveling doctor. The information stood alone as interesting, but the author's arrogance got too much in the way.

Openness Unhindered by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield

Written for Christians by a former lesbian atheist, an interesting look at how believers can love the homosexual population as image-bearers without condoning the lifestyle.

Parnassus On Wheels by Christopher Morley
Many thanks to Nancy Kelly for introducing me to this gem about a bookstore on wheels! A must-read for all book-lovers.

Mere Motherhood by Cindy Rollins
The story of a Charlotte Mason mom and her homeschooling journey that began in the early 1980's. Very encouraging to those of us who are doing it in these modern times!

The Brand New Parson by Sara Jenkins
Hardback 1940's book bought at the library for a quarter, this is the story of a new Methodist preacher who is unsure of himself as well as of God's truth. It's fun to see him grow more confident in his faith through challenges and uncertainty.

Breaking Free by Beth Moore
This is a 12-week study the ladies of our community group and I did together. The topic is identifying and healing from wounds and generational curses. Like any Moore study, the work was lengthy, but I enjoyed digging into the Word and facing this challenging subject with ladies close to me. 

Laurel’s Choices by Exie Wilde Henson
Based on real experiences of her parents, Henson (our cousin) describes life in a primitive Pisgah Forest, NC logging camp in the 1930's. 

Samuel Skinker and His Descendants by Thomas Keith Skinker
This is a family treasure for descendants of the Skinker family. It's jammed with personal accounts of ancestors: descriptions of their lives, wills, letters, diary entries, and family trees. I'm amazed at the tremendous amount of work that Skinker did over twenty years to complete this book in 1923. It's a personal book divided into chapters, rather than pages of impersonal pedigrees.

Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt
The heartbreaking story of McCourt's childhood as the son of a lazy Irishman and his neglectful, depressed wife. As hard as some parts were to read, I loved McCourt's style. His transparency gives insight into the wounds that many contend with into adulthood.

A Turtle on a Fencepost by Allan C. Emery, Jr. 
I read this book over the course of about a year in bits and pieces. Emery shares delightful, rich tales about his life and growth as a Christian.

How to Keep Well by Albert Blaisdell, M.D.
An 1890's book designed as an instruction manual for young people. Blaisdell gives vivid descriptions of organs and systems, as well as sometimes funny advice about staying healthy.

Mary on Horseback by Rosemary Wells

A short work that reminds me of Hertzler's Horse and Buggy Doctor, about a female nurse and her rounds on horseback. A good story also for children that can be read in one sitting.

Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in Your Girl by Dannah Gresh 
Gresh addresses the fact that if we don't speak to our daughters about their bodies, the culture will do it for us. She supplies examples of scenarios and questions, giving parents confidence to tackle tough topics.

William Henry Harrison: Young Tippecanoe by Howard Peckham
Simple book for children about the childhood of President William H. Harrison. Good for history and narration, although I read it to myself.

A Chicken’s Guide to Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex by Dr. Kevin Leman & Kathy Flores Bell
The title explains it thoroughly! This was an easy read that will give parents confidence and relief. As with Gresh's book, the authors lay out the importance (from a Christian point of view) of having these challenging discussions, beginning in the pre-teen years.

Miracles by Eric Metaxis 

Not my favorite Metaxis book, but an okay read. Overall an interesting account of various miracles in the lives of ordinary people, once I made it through the scientific talk in the beginning. I prefer his biographies, and enjoy his radio podcast.

A Book of Curious Advice: Most Unusual Manners, Morals, Medicine From Days of Yore Edited by Ruth Pepper Summers
Worth picking up for the humorous and sometimes ghastly old home remedies! 

Candy Stripers by Lee Wyndham
This was a 1950's paperback I saw on Pinterest, and the cute, vintage cover compelled me to buy it on Amazon. It's a typical cheesy teenage story mixed with romance about a girl facing a boring summer, so she volunteers as a candy striper at the local hospital. It's an easy, mindless read for those nights when you want to pick up a book but aren't up to much.

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
Ah...the book that's referenced in culture, but that I hadn't read until now. The rich vocabulary and prose made up for the fact that I already knew what was going to happen. It's a fairly easy read, and not long.

The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer 
This book took me an entire year to read. Bonhoeffer is worth the journey, but cannot be hurried. Reading his works is like eating chocolate mousse; you savor one small bit and have to go back to it later. Keep it handy and take in a little a few times a week.

Mentoring: Confidence in Finding a Mentor and Becoming One by Bobb Biehl 
I usually can't stand books like this, and began it half-heartedly as a recommendation from a pastor at church. This is one time I was wrong! Biehl's likable style kept me interested in what it means to be a mentor, what to look for in one, and what it doesn't entail. It can be read in a few sittings, and is valuable for everyone.

The Old Peabody Pew by Kate Douglas Wiggin
This is a beautiful book from 1906 that I bought at a library sale. It's a light, simple tale about several generations of church members and a long-lost love. Each page of this Christmas tale is adorned with holly and berries around the text, enhancing its attractiveness. 


He’s Gonna Toot and I’m Gonna Scoot by Barbara Johnson

Barbara Johnson is a mentor I'll never meet till heaven, but her outlook on life has been medicine to me over the years. Her books are easy to recognize, and the stories often repeat, but I love her jokes, quotes, and anecdotes. Barbara took the pain from many life tragedies and turned it into good for uplifting others. Keep her books handy for a daily dose of humor and God's love.

At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon

I attempted to read this book years ago in an immature stage of life when I was unable to appreciate it. How glad I am to revisit Mitford with new eyes! Pastor Tim, Cynthia, and the gang become like treasured friends. The simplicity of their small-town lives isn't without trials. When I finish the series, I want to read it again and again!

The Mansion by Henry Van Dyke
A short, small old book I also got at the library sale, one that can be read in a day or two. Okay but not compelling, it's the tale of a young man and his strained relationship with his father. The physical beauty of the book remains more impressive to me than the story.

Bo’s Cafe by John Lynch, Bill Thrall, and Bruce McNicol
Recommended by a mentor and friend, this is a must-read for anyone wanting to live and grow in community with fellow Christians. It's a fictional description of what "doing life" looks like with messy, broken people.

Why Johnny Can’t Read by Rudolf Flesch 
I wrote a blog post about this book, the impressive research done by Flesh regarding teaching reading with sight (whole) words versus a phonetic approach. His argument against the whole word method is compelling.

Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices by Thomas Brooks
Tim Keller mentioned this in a sermon. A rich treasure trove to make us aware of the devil's lies and how to combat them, this book was written in the 1600's and is still every bit relevant today. It took several months to get through because of its weighty nature, but what a weapon! 

Surprised By Joy by C.S. Lewis
This is the autobiography of Lewis, mainly describing his upbringing and conversion to Christianity. True to Lewis, there are many quotes to ponder, sentences to re-read for their richness, and a lot of explanation of his love for fantasy and science fiction. I enjoyed getting to know "Jack" the person, and found that I surprisingly have a lot in common with him.

Fraulein Schmidt and Mr. Anstruther by Elizabeth von Armin
Another library sale book written in 1906, this is written as a series of letters from Rosemarie Schmidt to Roger Anstruther. I never knew what turns her writing or their relationship would take. At times it was hilarious and easy to read, and other parts are hard to get through. Fraulein tends to enjoy finding vent with her pen! I liked it for all the German vocabulary, which I had fun looking up on my German app. 

A Light in the Window by Jan Karon 
The second book of the Mitford series, and as charming and fun as the first. These books have me wanting to live in Mitford and be a part of their crew!

How Should We Then Live? by Francis Schaeffer

This famous work eerily foreshadows life today in our culture. I think of this book as "Culture 101," with "Professor" Schaeffer as my guide into the nuts and bolts of life from Ancient Rome to the 1970's, when it was written. It's a survey of famous names, events, and ideas, just enough information to leave me wanting to look up more about everything. I took about six months with this book, because the information is so vast and rich, I often had to stop after each sentence and chew on the idea. I imagine how wonderful it would be to stop the author and ask countless questions, soaking in his own wisdom about the topics. I'd call it a textbook that's not a textbook!

Selections From:
The Bible
Essential every day, I desire it like food or air. John Piper says, "I love the Bible. It's not a superficial book; it's a deeply profound book." How else will we grow in Christ, and understand God and his love for us more deeply? I prefer NKJV in the morning, KJV at night, ESV at church, NIV audio on my Bible app, and MSG when I'm curious about Peterson's translation!

Charlotte Mason's series
I confess, although I follow the methods of Charlotte, her essays are not easy. However, I must stay in them for professional and personal development. There is much to learn from her wisdom, although it sometimes feels that her tough love borders on self-righteousness. What I do appreciate is her legacy of love for God and all children, and her challenges to raise the bar. Her methods work for everyone, and are revolutionary to education.

The Optimist's Good Morning and The Cloud of Witness
I make reference to these works throughout my blog, especially The Cloud, which was Charlotte Mason's gift to graduating students. They are easy to pick up and read daily, or to pick back up after a hiatus. Both are books with poems, prayers, verses, etc. set aside for each day. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Here's to a 2018 be full of riveting reading!

Heart Prayer of Repentance

It's been a week of the Lord speaking to me in so many ways, they get fuzzy and jumbled. I feel the weight of sin, and the hope of truth and repentance. There's the dilemma of my head and heart not meeting, and old lies resurfacing. There are also "spiritual two-by-fours," as my husband calls them, that lovingly level me with ways God wants to change and shape me. 

I listened to a John Piper sermon called "Neither Do I Condemn You" at least four times late last week. The text was the end of John 7, and the beginning of John 8, where the Pharisees are nitpicking parts of the law, ready to stone the woman caught in adultery. Piper says that with circumcision on the Sabbath vs. healing a whole man, Jesus is drawing out the question, "What kind of a crazy use of the law is that?" 

I took notes on the last nine minutes of the sermon. Here are some points that stood out to me. Although my story isn't the same as this woman's, Piper's words to Christ's grace in all situations: 

• "In saying, 'Go and sin no more,' Jesus is saying, "I am re-establishing your holy life, my friend. I'm building it again...Here's the difference, woman: I have just put it on a new foundation, my grace. Do you hear this, woman? I'm not lessening the command to you ("Don't do it again"), but now, I have just forgiven you totally...Woman, I am rebuilding justice, I am rebuilding righteousness, I am rebuilding holiness, and I'm building it on grace." 
• "You have to have an experience of grace in your life before you can pursue not sinning. If you try to pursue not sinning without the experience of amazing grace, what do you get? Pharisaism...heartless misuses of the law."
• "'Be holy as I am holy,' but don't pursue this holiness until you've heard the words, 'Neither do I condemn you'...that's the point of the Bible...Come to Jesus for grace, and set your face to sin no more.

My head, heart, and journal have been so full of the fires of refining this week, I wondered how I'd be able to bathe it all in prayer and cover everything. There seem to be so many needs, so many areas in which to grow, that I have trouble remembering all there is to cry out with. I wrote a prayer and made several copies: one in my journal, one for my bathroom mirror, one to keep in my purse, and one tucked in the Bible by my bed. 

Holy Spirit, please work in my heart and mind. Let the words and actions of others not dictate who I am. Enable me to respond with truth and grace. Let me not be rash with my mouth. Let me draw near to hear, and not utter anything hastily. Lord, You are in heaven, and I am on earth, so let my words be few. Make me to love purity of heart, and have grace on my lips.

Jesus, show me my own plank before I examine another’s speck. Let my heart be centered on You rather on myself. Take me to Your feet at the cross, and enable me to lay my sin and troubles there. Transform the black clouds of my heart with the sunshine of Your redemption, enabling me to stand fast in the liberty by which Your blood has made me free. Change my heart to believe that my righteousness is by Your grace, not by my works. Enable me to receive the white robe of Your newness and protection.

Lord, let Your discretion preserve me, and Your understanding keep me. Enfold me with the ability to discern what to do, and to possess cautious reserve in my speech, for Your glory and my good. Remind me that I am joined to my Bridegroom, Who was raised from the dead, that I should bear fruit to Him. Help my heart to remember and trust in the fact that I have died to the things that once held me, and that I serve in the newness of the Spirit. Enable me to grow in constant repentance, holding on to renewal, and believing that there is no condemnation for those in You, Jesus. Lord, help my unbelief, in Jesus’s name. Amen. 

I heard Tim Keller say this week, "The cycle that you must be growing in daily is moving from repentance to faith." Daily. Repentance to faith, all day long, till the sun goes down...then repeat in a new and different way, for a lifetime. Martin Luther's first of his Ninety-five Theses is, "When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, 'Repent,' (Mt. 4:17), He willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance." We are on a journey, and only arrive when we reach the destination of our heavenly home. I am constantly reminding myself that there's no point at which I'll lean back, fold my arms, and say, "Well, now I've arrived! I can stop growing spiritually." 

Donec iterum...

September So Far

Starting off with this: 

...Because I just can't have enough candles or flowers! What joy such small things can bring!

Well, I can't speak of September without first mentioning that my daughter and Mom had their birthdays at the end of August...on the same day! Eight years ago when baby number two was born, "Gaby" (as they now call my mom) said she just couldn't understand why I wouldn't let her take "her present" home!

We celebrated with "Cookie Monster" ice cream (so easy, you can't believe it), and tried and true cupcakes. The birthday girls had fun getting together that Saturday with family and neighbor friends.

The massive news of September is that Abue, age 96 and a half, has moved in with us. If you see her, please don't tell her I told you her age...she says when people know her age, they treat her like an old person. And those of us who know Abue can attest that she definitely does not "act her age"!

She arrived on Saturday, September 3, around 3pm: 

"Hey! Ya llegué!" 

We bought our house with the idea that the downstairs bedroom would be perfect for guests, or someday for older relatives who are ready to no longer live alone. After praying and discussing Abue's living situation for six months, it was hard to believe the time for her to move in had finally arrived. The wonderful part is that she decided herself to come...no one forced her to make this transition. Even better, she still has her home of over fifty years in Spartanburg, so she hasn't been faced with the sadness of seeing it sold. Hers is the ideal situation.

Abue's room is her own space, a type of small "apartment" within our home:

To the left of this television is where her private bathroom is located. The window in this photo overlooks the front yard and pond.

Here is Abue by her other window. We placed the recliner where she would have a nice view of the TV. Cable has been hooked up into her room, where never misses Wheel and Jeopardy, and can watch Telemundo to her heart's content. One thing I love is that both the bed and dresser belonged to Jeremy's grandmother...how special that now my grandmother gets to use them!

We even found the perfect photo of Papi for the other side of the bed, right by the window, next to God's Word. I think he would love this space of Abue's!

Just a little artistic posing...Abue looking into the mirror on her dresser. That's her mother in the photograph on the left, and some photos of young Abue and her sister on the right. 

Abue is independent, for the most part. She gets up late, fixes her oatmeal and café cubano, does Sudoku, reads Spanish books, and watches her shows. She also loves to sit outside and take short walks throughout the yard. Abue sometimes will go with me on errands, but is fine staying home, too. We still eat lunch in the kitchen, but now that there are five of us at dinnertime instead of four, our family eats together at the dining room table. Abue and I have a glass of wine some nights, but without fail, she's in her room by seven for her game shows. On Sunday, I introduced her to the preaching of John Piper as we watched a sermon during which he had an interpreter. Abue leads a simple, enjoyable life, and her being here is being used by God in different ways for all of us.

In the wee, dark hours of Sunday morning, I should've been sleeping. Instead, I was tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable, and rolling thoughts over in my mind...things I had to "work out." God keeps showing me that it's up to Him, not me, to do this working out of items I try to organize just so. After I finally fell asleep and thankfully woke up refreshed, the Lord showed me that day that I had no need to worry about anything; He worked it all out in His own way, with grace and love. Why should I be surprised? It only allows me to recall His goodness the next time I'm tempted to do His job. 

Here's something that I had to take a photo of, of course, "for the blog":

The fantastic part is that, while I was searching for a type of soup in Aldi, my daughter noticed this open door and pointed out the sign: "Look, Mom! Isn't that funny?" I'm definitely training her up to appreciate silly little things that make us smile. They're all around if you try to notice them. I loved telling her that I got a kick out of it, and all of us laughed together.

One last thing...Does your local library have a shelf near the entrance/exit with discarded books for sale? All of our branches do, and most of the time, the books are only a quarter apiece. You surely know that I'm crazy about books, especially ones that I get for barely nothing. I darted into the library the other day to grab a video on hold that had arrived, and quickly perused the sale shelf on my way out. These were mine when I stepped out the door:

What a way to spend seventy-five cents! It truly is the little things that are big.

Until next time!