God Erases

It seems that God's lessons to me are one spilling into the next, with some overlapping. It's astounding what He's showing me: that He erases circumstances and situations that I have wished I could change. He literally makes it as if these things hadn't occurred! I feel helpless to put this idea to words.

"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 43:25 (my added emphasis).

There have been several specific situations where the Lord nudges me about this, and for me to ask, trust, and believe. I confess that it can seem "too" wonderful, that my mind can't grasp it. Isn't that what makes God who He is? Isn't this why He sent His Son to die? I feel the miracle of what He's doing, what only He has power to do.

The Lord and I will work on one thing, then another seems to pop up. What condemnation I've felt in my life! What mistakes I've made...so many! Yet He seems to be taking each one and saying that yes, He will erase that one, too. 

My humanity responds in three ways:
1. I think, Can I ask the Lord to erase yet another thing?
2. I wonder, Is He willing to erase yet another thing?
3. I ask, Does he really, truly, erase certain circumstances...as in, honest-to-goodness...gone?? 

The Lord keeps bringing me back to Luke 11:9-13. I read and reread this passage: "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." Now, get this: "If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"

How much more, indeed! Our pastor encourages us to pray crazy, radical prayers, asking for things that to us seem impossible. In this passage, Jesus doesn't say that this asking, seeking, and knocking is a one-time deal, so we'd better proceed with caution and not use up our one "wish". I keep thinking about how parents want to give good gifts to their children. How much more does the Lord see my heart, and want to give me good things for His glory?

This view from my husband's office window is a breathtaking reminder of God's love and redemption, and that His promises are true.

The Lord has tied into this a struggle I have, that I seem to "freeze" in certain situations, seemingly not knowing how to respond. As a result, I end up tremendously regretting ways I've handled certain things. I end up feeling stupid, inadequate, and lacking sense. The Lord keeps reminding me that the Holy Spirit is there to help, all the time. Time and again, I rely on my own devices; I don't feel I have the wherewithal to even remember to call on Him. This is what leads to situations that cause regret.

God is now unpacking and unfolding all of this before me. I have trouble receiving His rescuing and love, because I feel like I should've known better, and don't deserve it. That's the whole point: I don't know better, which is why I need Christ! I can't rescue myself or others; my own devices leave me in the regret of my inadequacy. He is teaching me to call on the Holy Spirit, and to learn to trust in His forgiveness that removes (erases) all our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12). "As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him" (Ps. 103:13).

Another addition to all of this is that the Lord has been addressing almost daily something that has weighed greatly on me for years: the effects that my inadequacy will have on my children. I have been nudged that these lessons are for me, and that my kids will benefit from that, rather than being harmed by it. What good news! 

I confess that all of this is hard for me to digest. It's hard to learn to trust God. However, He is teaching me to take Him at His word, as "impossible" as it seems to my human mind. Shouldn't God's ways be higher than mine? I'm learning to stop putting Him into my understanding, which actually isn't "understanding" at all. He truly renews the mind in ways I never imagined. 

"Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out!" Romans 11:33

A Book Note...

Here is a book worth reading: Rosemary, The Hidden Kennedy Sister by Kate Clifford Larson (2015). Regardless of your position on the Kennedy family, you will be up late into the night getting to know Rosemary and her tragic story. Clifford does an outstanding job of giving this obscure figure the dignity she always deserved. Many biographies can contain dry, cumbersome details, but not this book. Every word contributes to the whole of Rosemary's fascinating story. This may be the most compelling biography I've ever read, no exaggeration.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations forever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Why I Don't Need to "Forgive Myself"

Do you find yourself doing as a friend once put it, "Taking old skeletons out of the closet and dancing with them," even after you've asked for forgiveness over and over? I sure do. Why are we in this rut of hanging onto sin and regret, even once we've taken it to God, and even repented? Why can't we let it go?

I've meditated, studied, and talked to God for a long time about this topic. "Lord," I say, help me to believe Psalm 103 with my heart, not just my head. Take the piece of my heart that still has trouble really believing that I'm forgiven." When I take the same sins over and over to the Lord, I know He doesn't remember them. The question is, Why do I harp over them so much?

Tim Keller has a sermon from 1991 in which he addresses this topic, quoting R.C. Sproul, who says that if we suffer from it, it's because "....you're going about your salvation the Smith Barney way; you want to earn it." My biggest issue here, Sproul says, is my pride. He states that it's like saying, "I've got this myself, and I don't need Christ's bleeding charity." Major ouch.

So, now add pride to the list, on top of the heart problem of not being able to "forgive myself." And that's where John Piper comes in. He has much to say on this subject, especially in his short discussion, "Should We Learn to Forgive Ourselves?"  The real issue is, I don't need to learn to "forgive myself" at all, but to receive Christ's redemption on the cross.

A big struggle for me is, ok, I've gotten "forgiveness," but what about the possible ramifications of certain mistakes I've made? The Lord is working on me big-time to see that He handles all of this too. In fact, I had a nudge just today that I can be free to not remember these things at all, because they're not there...the same way that God sees (or, actually, doesn't see!) them now! If I'm going to quote 1 John 1:9 to my children, I'd better ask the Lord to let me believe it deep down myself: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." And while I'm at it, what about the aforementioned Psalm 103? "Who forgives us from all our iniquities...As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (verses 3 and 12, my emphasis).

But back to Piper...Here is the gist of his talk:

"Forgiveness is a wronged person forgiving a wronging person, not a wronging person forgiving a wronging person."

"If Jack insults me, and I forgive Jack, why would Jack forgive Jack, when he didn't insult Jack?"

"The Corinthians felt a godly grief (remorse, sorrow); they wronged, and asked forgiveness."

"When people speak of the need to 'forgive themselves,' they mean the need to move through worldly grief over sin to godly grief over sin, and beyond, into life-giving freedom. The difference is moving out of death-giving condemnation to life-giving acceptance of God's no-condemnation."

"The Biblical way out of this self-condemnation is to humble ourselves and admit that we have no right to take the role of judge and pronounce the death sentence on ourselves. That's pride, to think that we can hear God's verdict of 'not guilty,' or our friend's verdict, 'I forgive you,' and we refuse it and set ourselves up as the new judge, and pronounce a death sentence over ourselves. The Biblical problem with that is...an arrogant failure to trust in the free verdict of God: 'No condemnation!'"

"Let's humble ourselves and step down off the judge's seat, and let God be God in His pronouncement of 'No condemnation.'"

This morning I was praying about this very thing as I found myself falling into the trap of feeling like I had to do penance for stuff that Christ's blood has forgiven....and on Good Friday, of all days! I imagined a young me, crouched at His grimy, bloody feet, and I told Him I wanted to feel His rough feet, and even the hard nail driven through them. 

I was really struggling, when the Holy Spirit provided me a simple illustration, one that took me by surprise. Meet my high school principal, Mr. Clarke, "honcho" of the whole place...ahem...twenty-something years ago: 

Suppose, as a high-schooler,  I approach Mr. Clarke with a request: something I desperately want, yet don't deserve (let's say, being excused from class). The principal has the authority to make the call--I don't--and he actually says yes! However, I continue to convince myself that his "okay" isn't good enough. I feel the need to "really earn" his approval, and do something to work toward the "yes," even though he's already given it. Mr. Clarke made the decision as the one who has the authority, and he won't hold over my head that he has given me the okay without my earning it. In fact, it's actually his pleasure to grant my request, and it's my job to receive it freely as a gift, with no guilt. (Note: I cannot compare God to anyone or anything, and I'm not daring to say that my principal or any human is equal to Him. This is simply an illustration I feel was provided to help me see more clearly). 

Back to the present, I feel like my "badness" prevents forgiveness, as if it depended on my actions...in other words, my "performance." As someone I look up to says, if certain things I've done can't be redeemed, God "doesn't get to be God." It's not up to me to be in charge of my own forgiveness! "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8, again my emphasis). Christ has the authority to forgive and redeem me and my situations. As with the Mr. Clarke illustration, it's not my call to make. The authority rests on the One and only Savior who calls all the shots. I go to Him in humble submission, trusting Him to be God, because I don't hold that title.

On Good Friday, I choose to remember Him on the tree, bruised, rejected, spit on, mocked, humiliated, because He had the authority to lay down His life. He did it for me and all my junk, so I can be free to stop dancing with those skeletons. Amen!

Thanks to Abby at Little Birdie Blessings for this beautiful graphic!

Forgiveness & Evangelism

These are two of many areas that stretch my faith greatly: forgiveness and evangelism. Forgiveness, meaning my understanding that through Christ, I'm forgiven; evangelism, as in how wimpy I can be when I don't allow God's help in telling others about Him.

I've come to depend on Psalm 103. The area around it in my Bible is crinkled with tear stains. I feel like I'm often on these pages because of my desperate plea to God to help me understand that I'm forgiven. Verse 3 clearly states that the Lord "...forgives all your iniquities," yet my heart doesn't truly believe this applies to me. When I admit it out loud, it sounds ridiculous: Christ's blood is able to cover all the sins of the world...except for mine. Not only is it a preposterous lie, it's prideful. I'm not above the God of the universe's healing.

Satan knows that I buy into taunts of my being unforgivable, that I brood over and revisit past transgressions time and again. The Holy Spirit is working on my heart greatly in this area. I hear the enemy voice jeering, "How could you? What kind of mother/wife/friend/Christian are you?" and I choose to fall into his trap rather than believing God. Why is it so hard?? Because strongholds can be grueling and time consuming to break, and because we don't always trust that God is for our good in the trial. I continue to go before the Lord and ask Him to "unite my heart to fear His name" (Psalm 86:11), and to keep me from being the one in James 1:8, a "double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."

John Piper says that we usually make a mistake in thinking we need to "forgive ourselves." Most of the time, it's another person against whom we've sinned, and that is the one from whom we must ask forgiveness. Once we go before that person, and also confess our transgression to God in repentance, that's it! I have a hard time "letting myself off the hook," though...as if I were on my own hook, anyway. Aren't I on God's? And if that's true, doesn't He get to be judge? Isn't He already the judge of the universe? 

I told a wise friend about a mistake I made, one that I keep coming back to in my mind. I told him I wished I could allow myself to be human and make mistakes. He answered that I had usurped God's role as judge, marking myself because of one mistake. If mine are the only mistakes God can't fix, my friend says, "then He doesn't get to be God." 

Yesterday I told my girls a piece of information I later wished I'd kept to myself. I went to them and confessed that I was wrong to say what I did, that it was gossip. I reminded them that we never arrive at a moment when we're not growing and asking for forgiveness, and I asked for theirs in not setting a good example. Immediately they started patting my head and face, cut off my speech, and both said, "It's ok, Mom! We love you!" I knew in this moment that this is how our Father responds when we go to Him with our sin. He doesn't say, "Hmmm...let me think about it, and I might forgive you," or, "I can't forgive you yet, but maybe when you reform a little more." No! He's quick to love us, to say that "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:12). "As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him" (103:13). 

Evangelism is another area where the Lord is nudging me to grow. I live in a country where I can worship and proclaim Christ freely, yet I often shrink in terror when I feel a prod to say something about Him. It seems absurd that people in the Middle East are jailed and beheaded for being Christians, while I sit here, afraid to broach the subject with people of peace! 

My husband and I have a custom: when we dine out, we always ask our waiter/waitress if we can pray for him/her when we ask our blessing. Most of the time this is received well, and people will share their stories with us. Last week, my husband felt such a burden for our waitress that he gave her his card and asked her to get in touch with us if she needed anything. Her sad eyes stayed in our hearts long after that meal. Pray for Kaylee, please.

Sometimes our asking is answered with, "No, I'm fine," and one waitress even once said, "Pray for those who need it." That was an interesting response, especially since our pastor was at the table with us! Those are the folks who need it the most. Never have we had a contentious response in the years we've been doing this.

Asking a waiter has become easier over the years, although I confess that sometimes I still feel strange doing it. Why should it take such courage to initiate a spiritual conversation? Am I afraid the waiter will spit in our food, or worse...think we're weird?? Maybe we should aspire to be "weird" by the world's standards. Allowing this to come naturally takes time, like I mentioned before. Gaining boldness in any area is "deliciously harrowing."

With a waiter, it's one thing; that person's job is to serve, and they are trying to make money...I chuckle thinking he/she is a captive audience. However, here's another scenario: I'm having a conversation with someone (the parent of my kid's friend, a tennis coach, a relative, a lifeguard at the pool, maybe even one of my kids' friends)...anyone who forms a part of my routine life. I get the "nudge" to speak about God...NOW??!! HOW??!! "Do I have to?!"

As I type this, I'm brokenhearted that these would be my reactions. Lord, move me from NOW?? to NOW!!!!! Help me in those moments to call on You for the "how." Let the question not be, "Do I have to?" but rather, "How can I not?" 

I will insert at this point that, speaking before of the devil, he likes to make me feel absolutely rotten when I miss an opportunity. He calls me a coward, tells me I must not love the Lord, asks me what kind of Christian I am, and blah, blah, blah. Condemnation does not come from the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:1), but what He does give us is the conviction that we missed an opportunity because we weren't relying on Him for help. Any dark thoughts about it are from the enemy; we can go to the Lord and say, "Lord, I knew I should've said something, but I froze. Forgive me for not calling on you for the words. Please give me another opportunity to tell someone about You, and make me bold for it." I prayed this several times when we started our "waitstaff ministry," when I knew I should ask but didn't. 

Today a little fella sat beside me and told me he was seven-years-old, and that he was going to Boston soon "on business." It seems the trip is so that his four-year-old brother can receive one of his mother's kidneys. I wanted badly to tell this chatty guy that Jesus cares about his brother, but all I said was that I would be praying for everything to go well. I felt silly thinking that I was scared to talk about my faith to a school-kid! Those are the ones who best understand the kingdom of God! I pray I will be ready for the next opportunity, and I'd love another chance to talk to this boy! God is weaving forgiveness and evangelism together to help me grow in the truth that mistakes on my part, if I confess and turn, don't put the "HOPELESS" or "DOOMED" stamp on me. Satan wants me to believe that I'm too despicable to even pray to God about it; after all, why would He want to hear me when I cowered over bringing up His name? 

When a lie like that comes up, the best thing to do is defy it, and pray!
Lord, thank You that all of life is repentance. As long as there's life, there's hope. I rebuke the enemy's attempts at condemnation, and praise You for loving me always. Your Son gave His life for my shortcomings, and as a sinner, I need You desperately every minute. Give me the courage to share this Good News with others. Forgive and change my unbelief, and continue to grow me in your truth. 

I have typed my prayers in green, which reminds me of new life, of fresh growth. Here is another one, straight from King David. May we not be afraid to pray this, and to ask God for courage as He answers:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

Apologies After Years

"Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day." (2 Corinthians 4:16).

Are you thankful to not be who you once were? Boy, I am. I am not who I once was, nor am I yet who I will be a year or five from now. Part of my really coming to believe this has to do with what the Spirit laid on me some years back: the importance of asking for forgiveness.

As I thought back, times would come to mind of which I was not proud. It's a fact that we all have behaved badly and have regrets, but certain situations and people kept nagging at my mind. How terribly I had acted toward them; how I wished I hadn't done specific things!

"What, Lord? You want me to do...what?"

Yes, He wanted me to reach out and apologize...for things that had happened years and years ago. 

"Please, no! Lord, how am I supposed to confront people over things that happened so long ago? They'll think I'm nuts!"

Yet it wouldn't go away. You can guess what came next.

Before I go further, let me clarify a few things. First, although the incidents that were coming to mind were nothing earth-shattering by the world's standards, I was learning that by God's standards, I had sinned against a fellow image-bearer, regardless of how "small" it might seem. Also, the process of "making amends," as my Dad calls it, has shown me the truth that my sin is foremost against God: "Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight," David laments in Psalm 51:4. We must first go to the Lord and acknowledge how our sins hurt Him, repent, and praise Him for His forgiveness. The blood of His slaughtered Son covers all wrongdoing. 

So, why bother going to the one who was offended, if God forgives? Believe me, I kicked this up and down in my head awhile, aiming to avoid the discomfort of confronting my bad behavior in front of others. There is no way around it; being a Christ follower requires painful sanctification, and also obedience. If the Spirit kept bringing this up, I had no choice but to obey. I would discover the reason, which turns out to be the reason for everything we're supposed to do: it's all for the glory of Almighty God. 

Over the past four years or so, I have made amends in various ways: surprising someone via email with an apology about something I did or said, sending back an item that wasn't mine to its rightful owner, and even making outright phone calls to ask for forgiveness. As I contemplated writing this post, more apologies came to mind than I had remembered. The thing is, the first time I obeyed and did it, I thought, "Whew! Well, that's over; I survived!" Then guess what happened? It wasn't long after that another person came to mind...then another...and yet another. Dang it....oh, yeah...that narrow road thing again.

I don't write this to puff myself up. Trust me...nothing deflates a person like having to call someone on the phone and say, "Remember when we were in college and you were so nice to me and I was rude to you? By the grace of God, I'm not who I was then, and I want you to know I'm sorry and ask you to forgive me." And it doesn't get much easier with practice, either. My heart goes in my throat every time, whether I'm typing a note or dialing a number. I write this because I know my audience has pasts we'd all like to heal, amends we all need to make. I want to give you the courage to pray about whose forgiveness you should ask, too. 

A word of wisdom to those who are married: Share apologies to the opposite sex, no matter how "innocent," with your spouse. I have indeed gone to past boyfriends who I know I hurt deeply, and explained to them that I am now a Christ-follower asking their forgiveness. Be guarded against any traps the enemy wants to use for darkness, and pray to not be deceived. It is dangerous to secretly do this and then find yourself adding as a friend on Facebook someone you were involved with romantically in your past. Send an email, don't waste words, and then be done. Don't let Satan take what you mean for good and twist it into something contrary to God's design. 

Also keep in mind that the person might not receive you with warmth. You are acting in obedience anyway, and they are on God's hook, not yours. Again, you've done what you set out to do...now move on. 

One incident nagged at me for years. In 1997, I was a senior in college and found myself among a group of sophomore sorority sisters. I was cocky and felt so much wiser and adult-like. When one said I could hang out with them "..because you're one of us," I answered, "I don't want to be one of you." That hideous response stuck in my heart and wouldn't go away until about three years ago, when I messaged that girl, now a grown woman with kids, who I had not seen in about years. I explained what I remembered, word for word, not skipping the sting....then awaited a response. 

I expected her to say that she had been very hurt by it. I know I had become unpopular with her group of friends because of my superior attitude (actually, insecurity). Surprisingly, she said, "I don't remember that at all. I remember you as a very kind person." 

Again, why am I writing this? To say that in doing this thing with offering random apologies to whoever comes to mind, I have witnessed and received such grace, the kind the Lord wants to show me. He uses me to encourage others to go and ask for forgiveness, and He has used countless recipients of my apologies to demonstrate to me what true grace is. I have been blown away by some other responses:

"To tell you the truth, Bertie [my college nickname], I really don't recall it."

"You have nothing to ask my forgiveness for." (Yes, I did, but that person was gracious).

"What you're doing takes a hell of a lot of courage....I've never heard of anyone doing something like this."

"Of course I forgive you. I don't know what I'd do if Christ hadn't forgiven me."

"It's ok...and I'm sorry, too."

What if you can't reach the person (such as a deceased teacher), or you committed a wrong against society (like defacing property), and you still want to express your wrongdoing? God was there, and our sin is against Him. When there's no specific person with skin on, we have to take it to God and know that His forgiveness is enough. I once kept a CD belonging to someone, and he knew I had it, although I wickedly repeatedly denied it. For years I had it and even listened to it, uncaring. I have no idea where that guy is, and the CD was stolen back in 2000. R.M., if I find you, I owe you a Van Morrison CD. In the meantime, I will still seek you, and I thank God for forgiving me.

I found a tape that belonged to a nursery school where I worked, and couldn't stand to have it in the house one more minute. Sixteen years later, I put it in an envelope and mailed it back. Another person had given me money for a specific purpose, and I had taken it and spent it dishonestly. Ten years later, I put my own money into an envelope and mailed it to the individual's office. I included a note; all I wrote was, "Here's the money I owe you." 

Once I said something horribly insensitive and immature that hurt someone because of her sister's condition. It had not been my intention to sound so stupid, but once the comment was out, my foot was in. I remember trying to smooth it over, but the more I said, the worse I sounded. That was in 1994. Twenty years later, I messaged that lady, my former classmate, and told her I was sorry for things I had said that hurt her. I had to use the sensitivity I didn't have before, and this time I didn't mention the specifics. If she didn't remember, I didn't want to hurt her all over again. 

This is not an invitation to torture yourself into coming up with every terrible thing you've ever done. Let the Spirit gently and lovingly (as is His way) bring these to light slowly. You will know the right time and manner in which to seek forgiveness. Pray about what to say, and let the Lord give you the words. Once you've asked for forgiveness, thank God for the courage, and find freedom in it. He gets the glory; it's His victory, and you have the privilege in sharing in it. 

My prayer is that everyone who reads this will be bold enough to make amends. Go in the Holy Spirit's power, not your own. He makes us brave when we live according to Him. I shared this with a close friend, and that dear lady showed me just last week her email in making amends, and the beautiful response from the friend who, after many years, had forgiven her. 

Praise God, we're not who we once were, nor are we who we will be. 

Until next time!

Advent and Yearning

I admit, not only have I never celebrated the Advent season for the time of anticipation and waiting that it is, I have not even really thought much of it.  Yes, I have toned down my Christmas-season stress over the past few years, but this is the first time I have experienced Advent. I feel a marked yearning for more than this world has to offer, longing for the coming of Christ, the only One Who will be able to straighten the crooked places.  

I decided over the last two or three years to start cutting out things that aren't bad, but that add too much to my life because they take away my focus on the real reason for Christmas.  My decorations are minimal, yet fun enough.  We love to bake, but feel no pressure.  I can't recall the last Christmas party we attended, and I no longer invest my time in stressful pageant-type productions. Before I become dubbed Mrs. Scrooge, let the record show that I have experienced more Jesus and more direction, and less pulling out my hair. 

My copy of The Cloud of Witness pointed my heart toward Advent, making me excited about daily centering my thoughts and desires on Christ: why He came, why we need Him, and especially, the constant yearning I have for Him to set our crumbling world straight.  How can we be still long enough to ponder our Lord when we're drowning in social gatherings, worried about cookie parties, destroying part of the kitchen to make it seem like the elf did it, or standing in line to have a photo opportunity with Santa?  Christian friend, let's reevaluate why we feel the need to keep up with how the world defines Christmas.

Make no mistake, I enjoy a good Christmas movie, savor the lights on our tree, and even admit to being one of the only people who likes Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime." But I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit is calling me to be still, to wonder at the One who is "the light of men," through which "all things were made" (John 1:3-4). None of what I post is said out of self-righteousness, but rather from conviction, to "renounce the hidden things...by manifestation of the truth" (2 Corinthians 4:2). I want all believers to know that we don't have to be in bondage to customs that, when it comes down to it, mean squat (as we say in the south).

Having said that, I will confess that, although my heart is being slowly healed, I remain angry.  I'm angry that my heart has been shattered in the first place, and about many things that I'm not at liberty to disclose on a public blog.  I'm furious that the poor decisions of others have cost me parts of my life.  I'm frustrated that forgiveness doesn't come easily, and that instability has been a part of my life for so long. Please join me in prayer for continued renewal in this area, and know that I am an advocate for anyone's healing from brokenness.

I'm learning that it's okay for me to feel this way for a time.  Emotion has to be aroused in God's people for the wrongs that plague us as humans. Why are we afraid to admit that we yearn passionately, to the point of tears, for Jesus to return and make all things new? As indignant as I am, this Advent season I know that Christ came for all of this ugliness, and in His time, "all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28).  I can be real with Him, my Creator, Who knows my heart anyway. Drawing closer to Him during this time of quiet anticipation helps me realize that He, too, yearns to right the wrongs, and that Christ is the only One Who can. The Advent season helps a broken heart to have hope.

"Because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.  For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now." Romans 8:21-22

"Even so, come Lord Jesus!" Revelation 22:20