A Test

It's the time of our homeschool year that tests me the most: time for standardized testing. I've had it on my mind here and there since January, but have wrestled hard with it today. I write about it on here to clear my mind, but also to share my own struggles with the requirement. Others may not share my opinion. In fact, the more I open up about my frustration to others, the more I feel on an island. 

I barely remember testing as a kid, because those were the days when the teacher's year didn't have to be spent preparing students for tests. I don't recall being stressed out at all about the one test I think we took all year. It happened, we did our best, and that was that. 

In my state of North Carolina, the requirements for homeschoolers are to test children with a standardized test every school year once they turn seven. Most people think nothing of it. Neither did I, until I first had my child tested. She did fine...great, actually. I had felt fabulous about all we had accomplished, until the test administrator started pushing on me all the things we needed to do more of, how even though she scored well in certain areas, "you might want to try this...," or "Perhaps you might want to do even more of this..." and so on. Why wasn't her "good" good enough? 

The Charlotte Mason method of teaching is based on living books, rich ideas, lots of reading, and having students tell back (narrate) what they've learned. They are forming their own opinions about a wide feast of topics. Rather than learning dry facts and dates with no other connections, children spend the school year slowly digesting stories about historical figures and times, getting to know people in literature, or the ins and outs of nature, and working through their own ideas and takeaways. They also examine artwork and classical music, learning to identify the works of certain artists and composers. We spend daily time on cursive, and of course, do math every day.

I discovered my real frustration last year when I administered a traditional end-of-year standardized test: it was about as far from the Charlotte Mason method of teaching as it gets. Instead of asking my child to recall and describe what she remembers about Giotto's paintings, it's "Which of these words is spelled correctly?" and they look at ridiculous words that are misspelled. Rather than a robust, captivating paragraph from "King Arthur" to narrate, their understanding is assessed with a dry, uninteresting, textbook excerpt about apes, followed by questions so inane, I didn't even know the answers. 

Yes, I do realize that not everyone utilizes the Charlotte Mason method. However, there's no reason not to incorporate some life into these tests, or into education as a whole! All I could remember this morning was how much my girls, especially one who was slow to begin reading, dreaded testing last year. And I felt guilty; I had taught them one way, and assessed them in completely another. 

This brings me to why testing is indeed a "test," not just for my kids, but for me, especially for me. I feel backward and forward that homeschooling is what God wants me to do for my children, and I am convinced that the methods we employ are the best for us. There is an enemy lurking, who hates me, my kids, and all the good that we seek: "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12).

The devil wants nothing more than to crush every part of me and my kids. He has worked long and hard to set up strongholds that I, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and tearing down with even more vigor. One area that he especially attacks is my motherhood, and this includes my teaching. He had me disheartened last year over how ridiculous the testing seemed, how far from all we'd accomplished, as if my way of doing things is the wrong way. This has crept into my life again, and this morning I fell into a trap.

It took me a long time to find a math program that was best for us. I tried one, and the repetition and slowness drove me bonkers. Then I tried another, and the dryness and lack of new concepts drove me even more nuts. I finally found Horizons, and we love it. However, because it took a while, my girls are about half a grade behind in it. This hasn't bothered me in the least; I feel that they know what I did at their ages, and it was good enough. But see, in today's culture, how anyone did anything in the good old days just isn't good enough anymore. When I thought about the fact that there would be sections of math that one of my kids might not know on the test, I started panicking.

Shame on us for our one-size-fits-all, no-room-for-a-kid's-own-pace mindset! I feel very alone in this. I'm not the least bit worried now, while my kid is eight, about her getting into college. I do Charlotte Mason's methods and the girls thrive...then I have to administer a test that teachers all across America have spent all year preparing for. One huge reason for homeschooling is to be able to do things in our own time, as we see fit. If that means being a little behind in math, we will catch up. However, the devil didn't want me seeing this earlier today. He wanted me panicking, believing that I was a terrible teacher, that my girls are so far behind, one might not even be in the right grade! 

I fell into the trap of panic over nothing. My kids read like others their age (granted, they weren't reading chapter books in first grade, but they are now!), know the names of most flowers, plants, and birds in our yard, spell fairly well (surely on grade level), don't throw their math books across the room, know more countries on a globe than probably most adults, can recount tales of Kipling and poetry of Stevenson, can read and write cursive...no, I don't think being a few steps behind in math isn't anything we can't catch up on, especially working over the summer. The issue is that we work so hard, I've seen my kids come so far, and their learning is reduced to percentages and bubbles. 

One thing I guard against is letting my kids know my true frustration. I do feel the need to tell them, "This is a part of our requirements, something we simply have to do every year. Don't worry if you don't know some answers." However, being taught the way they are, they can't help but experience frustration themselves. Some moms have told me, "You take this way too seriously. Just get the results, and don't even open them." Others tell me, "You may not like it, but it's the way things are." I agree there is some validity to both, but where's the indignation from parents, of homeschooled and traditionally-schooled kids alike? Do you really think these are decent assessments? It's become the "norm" only because we go along with it, and think that people with letters behind their names know what's best for kids. Remember...money usually plays a part in anything.

That was a squirrel in the form of two cents...back to the trap I fell in. Suddenly, I had a revelation: Go back and see how your kids actually performed on math last year! Gee...why didn't I think of that before my morning of torment? I pulled myself out of the snare and found the scores.

Last year's 3rd grader:
Computation: 97% (percentile)
Concepts and Problems: 87%
Not too shabby....

Last year's 2nd grader, the one who I've worried about due to our being "behind" in math, because of how loudly she protested last year about how "hard!!!!" the test was:
Computation: 72%
Concepts & Problems: 81%
How about that? 

I share this because I want others to know how many homeschoolers feel: we hate the comparison game. I believe comparison is a tactic of darkness that creates many lies we carry into adulthood. That's why I dislike so much of what education has become, but doesn't need to be. I detest labeling a first grader who is slow to start reading and getting a specialist and psychologist involved. I had people tell me, "Have her tested," and "You need to make sure there's no disability." I'm sure there are students who legitimately need this, but I believe it's way fewer than we think. I knew the whole time that she just wasn't ready, and would do it when she was, but the implication of neglectfulness was made  because "you want to get to the bottom of serious learning issues." Half a year later, she's reading like a champ, as I knew she would sooner or later. The problem is, standardized tests just won't wait, and can't allow kids to take the time they need. Tests are based on how a child did in comparison to others...and who gets to decide what's the "norm"? If Sally can read a paragraph in three minutes but it takes Jennie twice as long, why does Sally get to be "smarter"? If Jake can do twenty times tables in forty seconds, but it takes Sam five minutes, does he not also know them? I think this is dangerous territory, and this is why this time of year gives me the shakes.

The bigger issue is what the enemy had me thinking, the things that were going through my head: "I haven't taught them well" (a lie), "They're not on grade level" (a lie), "I need to rethink a lot of things we do" (a lie). "The devil...does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it." (John 8:44). Whenever I find myself drowning in these traps, I ask the Holy Spirit to bring me back to what's real and true, and to grow me through the experience. I do accept that we have to do testing, but I don't have to like it. I am grateful that North Carolina homeschoolers otherwise have much freedom. Yes, we do need some form of assessment, but I'd much rather create a portfolio, which is acceptable in many other states. 

Let the kids be kids! When did pre-algebra become the norm in third grade? Let them climb trees and make stick forts, let them enjoy poetry for it's own sake, and sing songs. Let little people go to kindergarten barely knowing their letters, and watch them learn to read by fourth grade anyway. Let them learn self-respect through good character and rich ideas, rather than self-esteem by how many facts they can regurgitate. As Charlotte Mason stated, The question is not how much a child knows, but how much does he care? We have replaced caring as well as knowing with...testing. Regardless of how my children perform, these tests as they are will always make me recoil.

I'll end with a heavy tribute to Mason from various selections of Susan Schaeffer Macaulay's For The Children's Sake: "A high standard was expected...It was not to be a race...'Good little Sally made only one mistake, she gets an A!' But poor struggling Johnny tried his best and is rewarded with a D. How can Johnny ever take a proper joy in the fact that he learned a new step?...How immoral to apply an arbitrary yardstick to the little child and expect him to progress at some 'normal' speed! We take from him the joy of accomplishing new skills which should be a part of growing up. We often combine frustrating skill-learning techniques with sawdust books...We are limited to three educational instruments--the atmosphere of the environment, the discipline of habit, and the presentation of living ideas. If education is to secure the step-by-step progress of the individual and the nation, it must mean something over and above the daily plodding at small tasks which goes by the name...If you think that the sick fear of not getting an A grade is a lofty means of motivating the child to excellence, I beg to differ...Let us help the child gain skills really well for his own sake, not because of what somebody else can or cannot do." 

Let them delight in the beauty of the first clematis of spring; 

that speaks volumes over the hundredth percentile.

Until next time...perhaps a lighter topic!

In memory of Victor J. Bablove

(1949-2017)