Performance

This little stanza from The Cloud of Witness speaks exactly what I was feeling when I awoke this morning. Lately I've struggled with "not messing up." I relate it to how my children and I sometimes play tennis; rather than playing to win, we play "not to lose." Our minds and eyes are focused on not making mistakes rather than trusting what we know. 

God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). When I focus on what seems formidable to me, I allow the "strength of the foe," as John Henry Newman puts it in his poem, to eclipse the Lord's strength, sovereignty, and power. When I act in my own feeble strength, I miss Christ's rescuing and help. Our Creator doesn't want us to live life dodging traps all day, but to seek first His kingdom (Matthew 6:33)!

The Lord is revealing to me places where I have this "performance" mindset. When I go through life "playing not to lose," rather than "playing to win," I count on my own weak performance rather than what I've said I've trusted Christ to do. When I say I trust Him, I choose to believe that He is good. It's not my performance that leads me in His design, but rather my belief in Him. Lord, help my unbelief!