Good Reads

Here are some good reads I've enjoyed lately:

These two books were finds at the local library. My girls and I like any picture book by Jan Brett; her illustrations are breathtaking! Mossy is a cute story about a turtle that grows a garden on its back. Also impressive are the watercolors and narrative of Say's Grandfather's Journey, the touching story of the author's grandfather's life in Japan and later in the United States. In the library's children's section, my kids look over the chapter books while I peruse the picture books. There's a lot of twaddle among the shelves nowadays, but fortunately, not all the gems have disappeared. I tell my girls, you outgrow some things, but good picture books will never be one of them!

Are you familiar with lovable Lyle, the crocodile? I think I recall him from my own childhood. Bernard Waber's illustrations are familiar from other works as well, with their funny facial expressions. I used to love another of his books, Nobody is Perfik. 

Lyle appears in several books, and what's hilarious is that he carries on as a normal member of society! This particular book deals with the fact that Lyle is the perfect candidate for several jobs, but his owners, Mr. and Mrs. Primm, refuse to let him work. I especially get a kick out of his mother, Felicity, a crocodile who works as a nurse in the hospital maternity ward!


These were some finds at a favorite used book store: 

I wasn't planning to get them, but wanted to glance through them just for fun. This book store seems to know when it has nice, old, rare finds, and will often ask more for them than I'm willing to pay. However, when I saw that the price of each was a mere dollar, I had to rescue them! Look at their charming inside covers! 

 Here are two books that I've enjoyed recently:

Come Home Laughing started out as the Master's thesis of Tanya Lyons, an unknown author, and unraveled into this marvelous book dedicated to adults whose parents divorced when they were children. The design is unique: a fiction story with factual data woven throughout. Sloane and others examine the relationship between their struggles as adults and the wounds they incurred as children. They learn to heal from the inside out through time together doing life, and at an intense retreat to promote healing. Lyons' book is written from a Christian point of view, and shed much light for me personally. This book masterfully tackles issues that a large number of Americans probably have, yet haven't dealt with. I plowed through it in a few days, with laughter, tears, prayer, and note-taking.

 Have you read Corrie ten Boom's classic, The Hiding Place? This was a picture I took to send to my dad, and as I was about to crop it for this blog, I decided it was worth keeping the grass and flops! The photo captures the moment in which I finished this riveting read, the true story of the Christian Dutch family who valiantly harbored Jews in their home during World War II. We get to know the ten Booms twenty years before the war, and are horrified at all they endure during the war for standing firmly against Nazi-perpetrated evils. The faith of Corrie and her family is expressly from God, with no other explanation. I remain astounded at their courage in the midst of unimaginable horrors, one after another. The ten Boom family is well worth making a part of one's "cloud of witnesses."

Finally, this school term, we have a new poet to study: William Wordsworth. At the library book sale last fall, I purchased a volume of his poems (published around 1890) for probably a dollar. How extraordinary to read and copy his poetry directly from a book from that time period! 

Each school year, Charlotte Mason's students studied the poetry of one author for a term of twelve weeks, for a total of three poets per year. We began with Alfred, Lord Tennyson, and I believe our favorite was "The Charge of the Light Brigade." Then came twelve weeks of Emily Dickinson, whose haphazard use of hyphens and capitalization break every punctuation rule I've attempted to teach so far! I personally found her poetry lukewarm, as famous as it became after her death, and never was able to truly endear myself to this reclusive, odd individual. 

Wordsworth's poetry, however, is a breath of fresh air. I think my girls concur; I haven't asked them outright, but I can tell from their attention and expressions that they enjoy his descriptions of childhood, godly things, butterflies, sparrows, and outside play. One can practically feel the fresh air of his poetry, and the heart seems to lighten while reading it. Again, we don't rip it apart in search of meaning; it's there simply to read for pleasure, and to copy for penmanship and spelling practice: 

Why I Don't Need to "Forgive Myself"

Do you find yourself doing as a friend once put it, "Taking old skeletons out of the closet and dancing with them," even after you've asked for forgiveness over and over? I sure do. Why are we in this rut of hanging onto sin and regret, even once we've taken it to God, and even repented? Why can't we let it go?

I've meditated, studied, and talked to God for a long time about this topic. "Lord," I say, help me to believe Psalm 103 with my heart, not just my head. Take the piece of my heart that still has trouble really believing that I'm forgiven." When I take the same sins over and over to the Lord, I know He doesn't remember them. The question is, Why do I harp over them so much?

Tim Keller has a sermon from 1991 in which he addresses this topic, quoting R.C. Sproul, who says that if we suffer from it, it's because "....you're going about your salvation the Smith Barney way; you want to earn it." My biggest issue here, Sproul says, is my pride. He states that it's like saying, "I've got this myself, and I don't need Christ's bleeding charity." Major ouch.

So, now add pride to the list, on top of the heart problem of not being able to "forgive myself." And that's where John Piper comes in. He has much to say on this subject, especially in his short discussion, "Should We Learn to Forgive Ourselves?"  The real issue is, I don't need to learn to "forgive myself" at all, but to receive Christ's redemption on the cross.

A big struggle for me is, ok, I've gotten "forgiveness," but what about the possible ramifications of certain mistakes I've made? The Lord is working on me big-time to see that He handles all of this too. In fact, I had a nudge just today that I can be free to not remember these things at all, because they're not there...the same way that God sees (or, actually, doesn't see!) them now! If I'm going to quote 1 John 1:9 to my children, I'd better ask the Lord to let me believe it deep down myself: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." And while I'm at it, what about the aforementioned Psalm 103? "Who forgives us from all our iniquities...As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." (verses 3 and 12, my emphasis).

But back to Piper...Here is the gist of his talk:

"Forgiveness is a wronged person forgiving a wronging person, not a wronging person forgiving a wronging person."

"If Jack insults me, and I forgive Jack, why would Jack forgive Jack, when he didn't insult Jack?"

"The Corinthians felt a godly grief (remorse, sorrow); they wronged, and asked forgiveness."

"When people speak of the need to 'forgive themselves,' they mean the need to move through worldly grief over sin to godly grief over sin, and beyond, into life-giving freedom. The difference is moving out of death-giving condemnation to life-giving acceptance of God's no-condemnation."

"The Biblical way out of this self-condemnation is to humble ourselves and admit that we have no right to take the role of judge and pronounce the death sentence on ourselves. That's pride, to think that we can hear God's verdict of 'not guilty,' or our friend's verdict, 'I forgive you,' and we refuse it and set ourselves up as the new judge, and pronounce a death sentence over ourselves. The Biblical problem with that is...an arrogant failure to trust in the free verdict of God: 'No condemnation!'"

"Let's humble ourselves and step down off the judge's seat, and let God be God in His pronouncement of 'No condemnation.'"

This morning I was praying about this very thing as I found myself falling into the trap of feeling like I had to do penance for stuff that Christ's blood has forgiven....and on Good Friday, of all days! I imagined a young me, crouched at His grimy, bloody feet, and I told Him I wanted to feel His rough feet, and even the hard nail driven through them. 

I was really struggling, when the Holy Spirit provided me a simple illustration, one that took me by surprise. Meet my high school principal, Mr. Clarke, "honcho" of the whole place...ahem...twenty-something years ago: 

Suppose, as a high-schooler,  I approach Mr. Clarke with a request: something I desperately want, yet don't deserve (let's say, being excused from class). The principal has the authority to make the call--I don't--and he actually says yes! However, I continue to convince myself that his "okay" isn't good enough. I feel the need to "really earn" his approval, and do something to work toward the "yes," even though he's already given it. Mr. Clarke made the decision as the one who has the authority, and he won't hold over my head that he has given me the okay without my earning it. In fact, it's actually his pleasure to grant my request, and it's my job to receive it freely as a gift, with no guilt. (Note: I cannot compare God to anyone or anything, and I'm not daring to say that my principal or any human is equal to Him. This is simply an illustration I feel was provided to help me see more clearly). 

Back to the present, I feel like my "badness" prevents forgiveness, as if it depended on my actions...in other words, my "performance." As someone I look up to says, if certain things I've done can't be redeemed, God "doesn't get to be God." It's not up to me to be in charge of my own forgiveness! "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8, again my emphasis). Christ has the authority to forgive and redeem me and my situations. As with the Mr. Clarke illustration, it's not my call to make. The authority rests on the One and only Savior who calls all the shots. I go to Him in humble submission, trusting Him to be God, because I don't hold that title.

On Good Friday, I choose to remember Him on the tree, bruised, rejected, spit on, mocked, humiliated, because He had the authority to lay down His life. He did it for me and all my junk, so I can be free to stop dancing with those skeletons. Amen!

Thanks to Abby at Little Birdie Blessings for this beautiful graphic!

Inside-Out

I had a discussion recently with someone about "inside-out" change. When we want to change a behavior, we tend to attempt "outside-in" fixes, which end up being band-aids that don't address the root of things. Years and years pass, and all we have to show for our best "outside-in" efforts is wasted time, frustration, exhaustion, and wounds that are still gaping. 

This "inside-out" change has been the topic of many more discussions since the first. The Lord gave me a clear word three years ago: "Be renewed in the spirit of your mind" (Ephesians 4:23). This "renewal," I've learned, has to be "inside-out," because no "outside-in" solutions work. It's what only the Holy Spirit can do, without my continued interference. I've also learned that this requires me to confess my tendency to "perform," rather than to be still and obey.

We live in a shallow culture, and in many ways, the American church culture looks no different than the world. I'm convinced that "inside-out" transformation is difficult because of our desire for quick fixes, as well as our inability to be vulnerable with others. Part of "inside-out" change requires discovering who we really are, which means taking off well-built masks we wear to cover up the "real us" from the world. God always knows the real identity behind those masks, and they're worth getting to know because they're who He created us to be. The process is an arduous one. 

Even with a week of stress from several directions, I have been mindful of this "good fight of the faith" (1 Timothy 6:12). John Piper says, "Make war!" Nehemiah says, "Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes" (4:14). As I felt the fog and fuzzy focus of stress, I recalled Psalm 18:29 and 34: "By my God I can leap over a wall...He teaches my hands to make war."  

A member of my own "Cloud of Witnesses," Barbara Johnson, loved celebrating the first of every month. She would put clean sheets on the beds, or buy a nice bunch of fresh asparagus to cook. I'm remembering her today as I take time this afternoon to do things I enjoy: catching up on this blog, sitting with hot coffee, and reading as the rain falls outside and my girls play within. Here is some wisdom from Barbara: 

(From Mama, Get the Hammer...There's a Fly on Papa's Head!)

Eugene Peterson has a description for Barbara's "no microwave maturity;" he calls it "a long obedience in the same direction." May we never give up fighting in God's strength, for His glory. 

Odds & Ends...

Sweet Eliza presented me with a book that she found at an antique store, that she said was "me." What a joy to know what's really "me," and to have others know it, too. 

This well-loved volume is a collection of sweet illustrations with Bible verses.

 This little fella reminds me of my husband as a boy!

I like the verse that goes with him, too.

This is a list of ladies who presented the book to "Sandra," its original owner. Look at those names! Clara, Thelma, Ione, Bernice, Velma...even Edelweiss!

I love this vintage drawing of different children making a joyful noise!

Speaking of books (one of my favorite topics)... 

Remember Journey Cake Ho!? As most of the "old" books have been chucked from the library and replaced by twaddle, I was surprised to find it there. I have wonderful memories of this being at my elementary school library, and the cover was the same, but green. I read it to my kids one evening and didn't find the story as compelling as the charming illustrations (done by the beloved Robert McCloskey). However, we were tickled by the "journey" cake's "singing;" this, added to the well-remembered images of the cake bouncing downhill, endeared me anew to this book. 

And speaking of cakes...the girls made and decorated these all by themselves: 

They enjoy taking holiday treats to tennis clinics; the kids and coaches enjoy a reward after hard practice!

Something else my girls made: 

We have many more "handicraft" opportunities today than in Charlotte Mason's day! Not only do they spend time and imagination on Legos, there's also slime-making, wooden peg people to paint, and cereal boxes they turn into other crafts!

One more thing, something funny from school this morning: I spotted this drawing of two funny characters in Holling's Minn of the Mississippi... 

...and instantly recalled a photo of two other funny characters, my 3rd great-grandparents, Major Sebastian Wygal, and Rachel Hoge Wilson Wygal: 

The resemblance between them and Holling's drawing is uncanny, although I can't prove that he used these two as models! What do you think? 

Until next time!