A Broken and Contrite Heart

As we approach Christmas and the year's end, I inevitably feel the longing for brokenness to be fixed. It's always there, as it should be when we follow Christ, but it seems more pronounced this time of year. I can relate to the part of the song "Grown-Up Christmas List" that says, "Everyone would have a friend, and right would always win." There is a right way, and things go better for us when it wins.

That's just it...however God chooses to run things, however, as bleak as life can seem, we can be assured that right will win. My ways aren't His, and there's rejoicing in that! The hard part is that we have to deal with our trials now, and they can be harrowing. I'm figuring out that these are allowed so that we may press into Christ. As a parent, I, too, allow my children to see the hard side of life in order to help them grow. 

Lately, the Holy Spirit has given me eyes to see something: the wickedness of my condition. We are born sinful, and although we still sin after Christ reveals Himself to us, He sees us as flawless. However, one other thing happens: the stuff inside my heart and mind that used to seem "okay" now seems really ugly. I'm learning the difference between the Holy Spirit's gentle, loving nudge about my sin, and the enemy's accusations. Lies and condemnation come from the Father of Lies, never from God. The Holy Spirit points out our sin lovingly, as we would do for our own children, calling us to repent and seek His help in rejecting what goes against God's way.

I feel the need to clarify all of that because often we hear all about our depravity, and yes, it's definitely our state (otherwise we wouldn't need Christ), but I really need to get that the Lord now counts me as righteous. However, I am thankful that my sin repulses me. My problem is that I tend to harp more on the nastiness of my sin, and less on the wonder of being washed in Christ's blood. Because of that, I can call on the Spirit who is inside of me, and move on in confidence!

Yesterday I was feeling the weight of my sin. Matthew talks about our heart being reflected by our speech (12:34). This wrecked me personally, plus the fact that even if hurtful words don't overflow, my heart still feels some horrible things toward people. I turned to David's words in Psalm 51, composed after he slept with Bathsheba, got her pregnant, and killed her husband. He says, 

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart" (v. 17).

I love this. I can't stand this! The God of the universe works in ways that rip my heart out, yet make it new! His ways are beyond my comprehension. When they make no sense and hurt desperately, then I'm sure they are part of His refinement. The juxtapositions shake the world; the counterculture manner in which He operates makes me want to jump and shout, yet also fall in a heap at His feet, in awe of His glory and unpredictability. 

Last night, as I felt the weight of my sin, all I could do was thank Him for my broken spirit and contrite heart. "Lord, may I always be so broken over my sin," I cried. It occurred to me, by the way, that the said "sin" is something we all do every day: getting frustrated with those we love, biting at them with sharpness in our words. Most people would say it wasn't that bad. Fully aware of this, I praised God that the "little" things weigh on me as much as the "big;" sins are not ranked in God's eyes, after all.

I see this with fresh eyes on a new morning. Forgiveness happens, lessons are learned, sanctification occurs. That I may not grow complacent and forget! I quote John Piper a lot, and he has a whole sermon on this topic, entitled "A Broken and Contrite Heart God Will Not Despise." In the final part, Piper says:

"Please don't make the mistake of thinking that you ever get beyond broken and contrite spirit in this life...Avoid thinking that if you have a broken and contrite spirit, then you're going to be an unhappy person. That's the devil talking."

He explains that our sin should always be before us, not to condemn us, but we should be constantly aware of the weight of it, and our desire for God's help in overcoming specific issues. We do not "get past" being broken and contrite, because we sin every day. This whole idea to me is so rich, so deep, and requires constant prayer and relying on Christ. Piper calls is "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." How's that for a juxtaposition? Will you join me in being brave enough to pray that God's people will take on such a life?

On Another Note...
A huge "Happy Birthday!" to my fast-growing, tender-hearted, tennis-playing, nine-year-old girl today! It has been a joy to watch you grow from a whopping almost-ten-pound newborn into a gentle, considerate, servant of the Lord. I learn much from observing your even, seldom-rattled disposition, and continue to pray that God will work out your salvation, growing you in your prayers, reading of the Word, and desire to know Him and be known. You are one Good Egg, and Mama loves you more than I can say.