Clarification

I'm overwhelmed by the number of people who read my post yesterday on heart wounds. Some comments have been made that leave me feeling that I need to follow up on it and clarify a few things.

If a beautiful, thin girl throws up because she sees herself as fat, people might try to tell her how lovely she is. However, this girl's problem goes beyond what we can see...telling her she's not overweight is nice, but it won't change the way she sees herself or the lies she's believed. This girl's problem is on the inside, in the heart, which is the cause of all kinds of brokenness we suffer.  Just telling her that her weight is good and to get on with life won't do the trick to stop the lies going on inside her heart and mind.

What I wrote about yesterday has to do with a wounded heart. Again, I have to be careful about what I publish on this blog, but we are talking about strongholds that are the result of a lifetime of wounds and lie-believing. As much as I appreciate the well-meaning remarks, this is beyond "Be happy and move on;" deep heart wounds require a painful walk with the Holy Spirit as healer. 

Friends, I know I'm "a good mom." I know my children are well-adjusted and that they feel loved. This is leaps and bounds beyond that. This is about lies I've believed, and the stronghold of condemnation in my motherhood. Head "gets it," but heart needs to truly believe it. A little girl who has felt vile and useless all her life doesn't grow up to be a confident adult; I'm working with Christ to show that little girl that she is not vile and useless. She has believed that she's toxic, and that she ruins everything. Someone she loved once told her that she was "good for nothing." Telling the adult version of this child that she's a good mom is nice, but she's been damaged, folks. She needs her stronghold to be torn down, and it takes more time and patience than our culture is used to investing these days.

To further clarify, no one "said mean things" to me yesterday. The tormentor is the enemy, not people. The devil is expert in taking the most innocent comment or event and turning it into something wicked or hurtful in the little girl's mind...remember, her heart is wounded. It's easy for some to think she should move on or not be so hard on herself, but it's not so simple for the broken hearted.

The risk I take in putting my junk out there is that people will misconstrue it, and I'm afraid that has happened. Folks read what I wrote and jump to "defend" me, thinking I need a self-esteem boost. No, what was required years ago was self-respect, not esteem. I'm allowing the little girl to get the self-respect she's never had. Self-esteem is shallow; self-respect comes from a whole heart submitted to God, and esteeming Him instead. 

Life experience shows me that those who are quick to poo-poo someone's wounds and give them the bootstrap speech have never dealt with their own. One thing I know is that everyone is hurting; most have taken their wounds and thrown them under a rug, thinking they've buried the past and can move on. Some have no idea they are even wounded because it's too painful or embarrassing to admit, so they spend their years in denial; perhaps if we don't think about our hurts, they'll just fix themselves. Folks, the heart is not self-healing. No amount of pep talks or "You go, girl!"s are going to help us. They are bandaids on gaping wounds that require major heart surgery, and there's only one Surgeon. 

How does a little girl know she's loved? By turning to the One Who loves her most, the One Who gave up everything to give it to her. He, too, was told He was crazy and vile; He was tormented by the enemy, and mocked by those who were supposed to love Him. When a girl sees Him for Who He is, and herself for Who she is because of Him, then and only then does healing take place. It's bigger than pithy "atta girl"s. 

My point is this: the subjects in this blog can be messy at times. I feel led to share them, but my intention is to be transparent with others who may deal with similar issues, and to share my own journey of painful sanctification. The ultimate goal is to glorify God. I am not looking for nor do I desire to be built up superficially. To be frank, please refrain from commenting on my harrowing walk unless you too know what it is to endure hardship and ask the Holy Spirit for the courage it takes to tear down your strongholds. I want to hear from those who have trusted Christ for the deep wounds in their hearts plus endured torment because of them. Watery, feel-good-about-yourself comments might be well-intended, but they're not desired. 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)